Dear Depression, why us?

I always wonder when my brain started becoming imbalanced. When you are diagnosed with depression, what causes it is a chemical imbalance, a lack of either Serotonin or Neuropenephrin in your brain, or even both. I myself lack both and I have what is called “Situational Depression.” What that means is, because of the life experiences that I have gone through, my brain has not adapted to them. It happened over time, but I was so in denial.

I always wonder, if the traumatic experiences I have been through didn’t happen to me, would I still have developed depression? Why did I even have to get depression? Why can I not just be like superwoman, be a warrior and just not worry so much about so many different things? Why did those events HAVE to happen to me? I know I am not the only one that goes through this, and I know those people dealing with Situational Depression ask the same things– so, why us? Even people with genetic depression or seasonal depression more than likely ask similar questions. No matter what type of depression we have, the mean question is; why do we have to be burdened with depression? Why us?

Depression makes my day-to-day life a constant battle. I am always anxious about something, or I am always crying about something. Although, I believe that if I didn’t have depression, and if all of those experiences never happened to me, then I would not be the person I am today. I know depression can make us “difficult” compared to others who make it out to be like they live the perfect lives. That is not always the case, everybody has some sort of struggle, no matter what they say. Maybe some people aren’t diagnosed with depression, but we are never alone. We are who we are and I believe that we are made how we are and our whole life is planned out before we are even born. I believe what we go through is inevitable, so make the most of it. We are all unique in our own ways and there is always going to be someone out there that sees your worth. You just need to see your own worth as well. (:

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“Alone” by Lee Haywood under Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic.

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Dear Depression, I look fine.

I have always felt like a giant, and have been bigger than all the other females in my life. I look left and right and see size two’s or size four’s. My brain makes me feel like some freakish monster.

It is hard not to listen to what your brain tells you, but if you’re reading this and understand how I feel, just know that the girls in the magazines are not ideal. A comforting fact: The size of the average American woman is 170 pounds, and a size 14. Ignore what society gives examples of, skinny is not necessarily healthy, and more fat on your body, does not make you unhealthy.

It is also based on genetics and how your families are built. I know my post won’t change how you feel, so if you want to lose weight to make yourself happy, then do it. If you want to gain weight to make yourself happy, then do it. Focus on your mental and emotional health and do what makes you happy.

To all women reading: you are beautiful and good enough, do not let someone make you feel any different.

To all men reading: you are handsome and good enough, do not let someone make you feel any different.

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Heart by Seyed Mostafa Zamani under CC BY 2.0