Dear Depression, why are you so cruel?

My brain hates me, I am convinced. I look left and right down the halls, in public, in restaurants and I see everyone as these little skinny things. I know behind closed doors, everyone struggles with something that someone else may not even realize. I still can’t be confident in myself, yet I put all my confidence in other people because I want them to feel that comfort, happiness, and confidence that I can’t feel myself. Why will my brain not allow me to feel confident in myself and let me feel like my appearance is good enough no matter what anybody says? I know I’m taller than the average girl and a little bigger but am I really bigger? Maybe my head just gives me this fake image of myself, and I feel like I’ll never know how I truly look in other’s eyes. It is infuriating because all I ever do is eat healthily, eat small portions, go to the gym and it’s still impossible to look like all the other skinny girls. Some people ask why I want to look like other girls and not be myself; well sometimes it’s because myself does not feel good enough. The skinny girls always pull of the cutest outfits and are treated like they are the most perfect thing in the world. I would do anything to be skinny for a day to see what it is like. Every single girl is beyond beautiful in their own way, and I hope you ladies reading this never forget that. But why won’t my brain let me think that about myself as well? – Depression is why. Depression is manipulative and I wish it would just go away.

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“A Daughter Divided” by Alyssa L. Miller under (CC by 2.0).

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