Dear Depression, are you really what you seem to be?

For the longest time, I thought none of the medications prescribed to me were working because maybe I didn’t actually have depression. That probably doesn’t make much sense, but what I mean is instead of actual depression, it may be some other disease or disorder that is giving off characteristics of depression.

Since my medications weren’t working, and because of other symptoms I was having; they tested me for Thyroid disorder. This disease gives off symptoms that can be perceived as depression. When you have this disorder, you have no motivation to do anything, you don’t want to get out of bed and you don’t want to do anything at all. This is a sign of depression and no medication will fix it if it’s prescribed for depression because it won’t target the specific hormones that need to be treated. This is because your thyroid is not making enough hormones and if you’re treated for chemicals in your brain because it is mistaken as depression, it won’t help at all. I was tested and the test was negative. I was really upset because I just wanted answers as to why I couldn’t just be happy and why none of my medicine was working. It was super frustrating.

Then a few months later, they tested me for diabetes because of my high blood pressure and because I had some weight gain. Normally when you have diabetes, you feel super sluggish, you feel awful and you get really down in the dumps because of your body not producing that insulin your body needs like it is supposed to. I was tested and it was negativity. So I did not have diabetes and again, I was frustrated because I just wanted answers, for some reason I didn’t want to admit that I was actually depressed.

To this day, after having “Situational Depression” for over 2 years now, I still wish it wasn’t that. I still wonder if I really have it, or if it’s some other disease that gives of symptoms of depression or can cause depression. I just want an explanation, but I just need to come to the realization that I have depression because of what all I’ve been through. It was all very frustrating for me because I felt hopeless with none of my medicine working. I have learned to be patient and just wait for the right medication for me because everybody’s systems react to certain medications differently than others.

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Mental Illness by Alachua County under (CC by 2.0)
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One thought on “Dear Depression, are you really what you seem to be?

  1. I’m so sorry to hear this. It would be so hard just not knowing, not to mention you’re dealing with these horrible symptoms on a daily basis. I really hope that you, your guardians and doctors can get this figured out and start treatment so you can enjoy life to the fullest potential. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this hard time.

    Like

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